finally! block test is done~~~~~~!!!!! -.-
burning the midnight oil, studying like nobody's business, cramping my head and knocking my head over questions that i was unable to ans when I had the ans right infront of me.
5 days of intense torture is finally over...for now. lols. ok i'm getting pessimistic. but then again, there isn't much to be optimistic about.
hoho my blog has become my main medium to channel my sorrows and thoughts.

i've got a confession to make.
i'm messing up my life with this new PS3 game my dad just bought for us kids to play. Final Fantasy 13. oh dear. i'm getting addicted to it and bringing myself back to the bad old days of being a video game addict. though i'm not implying that i spent 90% of the time playing during the block test period.
it's such a hard challenge to fight back an old indulgent(?) that has come to haunt me once more. Deceiving me, playing tricks with my mind, telling it that i still have time, that i need a break, that i am not putting the game as my top priority as long as i did the other impt stuff as well on the same day. so it's somehow telling me that well..it's okay.
even though i have a good idea of its repercussions because i've experienced it myself in the past, my heart and mind just dont want to recognize that those consequences are truely consequences that can ruin my life all over again.
things that give temporary comfort but harm on the long run. when will i ever learn?
O Lord help me >.>...

In Much Loving Memory of PigPig
February 2008 - 7th February 2010

Thank you for the wonderful moments.
Thank God for having you in our family. (:

Christmas is coming!
So i find it appropriate to share with you guys this video to help you to understand a little more of why we celebrate the birth and resurrection of Jesus.
Just one thing to note though, Jesus was not born on Christmas Day as in 25th December.
Lyrics will be below :)




There’s a story that started on Christmas
When a baby was born in the night
And those who came far, who followed the star
Were seeing a heavenly sight ...
a heavenly sight.


Well the years hurried by, and the boy, now a man
Could make the blind see with a touch of his hand
He was born to be King -- he was Rabbi and Priest
But the best that he had, he gave to the least ...
He gave to the least.

He was born and he died, almost 2,000 years ago
He laughed and he cried, he felt all the fears we know
But what does it matter? A story so strange ...
Even if it is true, what does it change?
What does it change?

Well he spoke like a prophet -- like no one they’d heard
This simple young carpenter -- crowds hung on every word
He hated injustice -- He taught what is right
He said “I’m the way, and the truth, and the light.”

His friends soon believed that truly he was the one.
The Savior, Messiah, God’s one and only son.
But others, they doubted, they did not agree
So they took him, they tried him,
He died on a tree ...
He died on a tree.


God has made a way
for all who mourn and grieve
Death will never be the end
if you just believe.

There is nothing left to fear
nothing Heaven knows
For he died for us to give us life
and to give us hope He rose
He died for us to give us life
And to give us hope He rose.

I just love children.
you may be a person who is quiet, a random person just walking by. But these little children, not realli caring how u look or whether or not they noe u, they just approach you and bring a smile to your face.
For the past few days my church had this camp called the "Vacation Bible School", where children, Christian or not, would come to our church and learn more about our Lord Jesus.
Frankly speaking, i thought the children in my class (K2s) would just ignore me or give me the cold shoulder because im usually quiet.
but thank goodness, i was wrong.
They talked to me, they interacted with me. They obeyed the teachers and they respected them. They simply showered all of us with love.
if only NPCC cadets were like that LOLs.

The class that i was helping out in was Dingo -K2s.
Just in case you dont know what a Dingo is, its a dog, but this dog doesnt bark. It howls. lol.

Some of the children in the class:

1. Dillon

Probably the most playful in class and one of the funny jokers in the class. Usually he would say some funny things and the rest of the guys seating at the same table as him would laugh out loud and their laughters would fill the classroom, echoing in volume and ferocity. He is just so
adorable! :x

2. Seth

Another adorable and lovable boy. When he is happy, he is really happy. When he is quiet, he is also really quiet. Cant forget this moment that i had with him. On Tuesday or Wednesday, the class was having this arts and crafts lesson when he wanted to go to the toilet so i brought him there. Then when we were walking, he just went to hold my hand. After that when he came out of the toilet, i told him to lead the way back to the classroom. Then he just gave me this smile and started walking. I just love him (:

3. Samuel

Just today, he came telling me a joke. "Which animal you cant trust?" den because i heard him telling this joke to his frens at the same table during lunch, i of course knew the ans. so i went "Cheetah". after that he started talking to me and asking me if i ate jaguar before, cockroach, etc etc. all sorts of funny things. then Dillon joined in to ask me such questions. hahas. adorable as always.

4. Vera
Oh man this girl is just C.U.T.E. She was the one who interacted with me the most. She would really come sitting on my lap, pulling me here and there, protecting me when Alyssa came hugging me like a teddy bear. Btw, Alyssa is another assistant teacher for class Dingo. And the kids really love her. So do i hahas.

Anyway, you can really see that shes the leader in the class. No matter boy or girl, she interacts with them. Though sometimes she may be a little too talkative, but still she encourages her classmates during games, and tries to comfort some of them when they were afraid to try out somethings. Love her. :D

5. Hans

Our top student for the Bible quiz! He is an intelligent boy and also quite independent. There was one time he came to church himself because his family was not free to bring him over. I hope that he will apply what he has learnt during this camp in his life, as a child of God. That he can pray and ask God for what he needs,but not what he wants. That he will continue to grow in what he knows about our Lord Jesus.

I can go on telling you about the rest of the people in class because all of them are adorable, whether they are quiet or not. I just love them all. But time is short, so i will just mention the few.

One of the more encouraging and comforting things to see during this camp, was the children who were not Christians, raising their hands indicating that they want Jesus in their lives. Auntie Sarah and Rebecca did a great job teaching them more about Him and sharing the Gospel. You may think that we may only share the nice things of being a Christian to them and leave the "not nice" parts out, so as to "psycho" them or something. But i can say confidently, that we did share the Gospel in full to them, and thank God that they accepted Him into their lives.

My hope for them would be that they would continue living their lives as children of God and that God would lead and guide them through, just as He is doing in our lives.

With all the happenings this year, it really brings great comfort to me that God is indeed at work.
I need not worry that much about where i would go after JC (or even after death), i need not worry about not having food or clothing for the day. This year has really been the year that my faith in God grows and indeed all glory is to God and God alone.

Although i know that you may not really understand what or why ive been saying such things, I would like to say to you that our God is real. He is not a force, a lucky charm, or some thinking that some people made up to use as a crutch. He is a God we can relate to, He is Someone we can trust in. Just by looking in the mirror, you can just marvel at how He created you. Your intricate body; complicated DNA making up your nose, your character, the colour of your eyes etc, your organs and cells all functioning well together even though in huge numbers.
And just by looking at the whole universe, you can just be awed at how such a place can just be spoken into existence.
If you are really interested, question and continue to search for answers, for there will always be answers when it comes to our faith in Jesus.
If you are not, i hope that you will begin to question yourself when it comes to where you would go after you leave this world. For what is at stake here is eternal life.

Just a few hours from meeting the minimum requirement caused me my rank as a Cadet Inspector even though ive way overshot the required probation HQ hours.
Not that im complaining and making a whole lot of noise over what was taken away from me, it just tells me and reminds me of how the world really doesnt care much about your life.
especially in a modern society such as Singapore, its usually just all about making money.
Even though the reason may not be obvious and clear cut at times, but most of the time it will point back to that underlying meaning - to make money.
Money, if not looked at with the right perspective, makes you selfish, makes you greedy, makes you blind, makes you tempted to resort to underhand means to get it, etc etc.
Its not that i do not need money at all when im here on this Earth, its just that its not everything to me.
its scary when people put money as their top priority in their lives, and just looking at the growing modern society in Singapore, it just makes me uncertain and concerned of the values the generation after us will have.
but nvm about that digression now.

Wad causes part of my heartache currently would be losing my post as a CI even though ive been contributing and have been struggling for the 8 months of the year.
but also nvm abt the rank. What really mattered to me as a CI was the opportunity to reach out to the cadets, to teach them, to nurture them and to see the absolute fruits of your labour.
Apparantly ive been unable to do that since August. Academic pressure begins to accumulate and personal problems begin to take its toll on me.
Not that i simply became lazy and so decided to not get involved in NPCC-related activities, but its just because i cant, its very difficult for me to do so and i do not want to drag others down and hamper their efforts.
I cant take early leave from school to attend parades on Fridays because my Principal and Vice-Principals will never let me unless its HQ-related activities. And even if it is HQ-related programmes, they will only let me off if they do not find it a threat to my studies.

its frustrating at times, when im disallowed and unable to attend events that im supposed to and want to attend.
and it hurts, to have ppl judge you just simply because you are not there, when things really arent that simple.
just because the majority are doing it, it never meant that the minority had the same reasons for doing so and therefore have to be treated the way the majority are being treated.

I do agree to a certain extent that i do not deserve the rank as a CI due to my absence, but i would have to disagree if ive been stripped off of my rank because ive not been committed in helping in whatever way i can.

Right now i do not noe what to do. I dont even know if i should reply to the email Mr Song sent, just in case i will worsen the already bad situation.
But in any case, if i am truely dismissed from the Corps, i will humbly accept that fact (though it may hurt) , but i will still continue to contribute.
It may not be much, but at this point of time and state, its really the best that i can give.

hohohos, promos are coming!

oral presentation is coming!

A-lvl chinese is coming!

-_______-

It just warms my heart to see the smiles on their faces yet my heart grieves as i witness their fall.

Oh how i wish for the best for them. how i wish that they could be spared from the turmoil they have, the debilitating process that they would have to go thru.

but yet, nothing will be learnt if one never experiences a fall ; the taste of imperfection.

School life, ive got to say, is getting a little mundane.
Put aside the studying, the books, the teachers, the students and you will get urself a life without a sense of direction.
I mean, im basically a little..lost. lol
I'm clear of what i should do, but yet im unclear of what has to be done.
I'm clear of the goal that im suppose to reach, but yet the process of how im gonna get there is still so vague.
And even so, how could I be so sure that the goal that I'm aiming for, is the goal that I'm suppose to be looking towards?

My family...somehow i just don't feel at home anymore. Goin home is almost the same as going to school. Everything all planned and restricted. Everything all quiet, all silent, all...dead.
Even my hamster seems like a lifeless animal right now. Though, i must admit, shes still as adorable as ever xDD.
The people above has a home much alive than mine currently. I'm the only one at home with only a few lights on, together with my hamham, while the people above have each other's company.
Zhao xia singing, music, laughter, sounds of joy. All in the home of my neighbours'.
It just gets all nostalgic today.
hah..a child singing into the microphone now. How i wish i could turn back time.
I guess there is just no point in regretting and moaning over what's lost huh. lol.

Don't really know why im feeling so down right now.
Maybe i'm just expressing what has been accumulated in my heart for the past few months, maybe i'm just bored and typing this post out of self-entertainment purposes, or maybe its just...the gloomy weather lol.

And after today, I find that ive no interest in being rich. Being rich makes life even more boring, even more lifeless. I mean yea, you can get almost anything in this world, anything materialistic. But i guess its all pointless when you have no one to share it with.
(Ok now that sentence just brought me to the conclusion that im feeling pretty lonely right now. lol. tt explains my post.)

It's pointless getting rich when it doesnt bring life into your life but rather brings you deeper and closer to being dead.

ok enuff of my random-ness.